Live to CRUSH

Twas the night for ole Krampus, at Thundernuts house

Not a paint pot was stirring, traps were set for a mouse.

Fishnet stockings were pulled high by the undead with care,

In hopes that the Krampus would drool, gawk, and stare.

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The Dreamer was nestled all snug in his bed,

While visions of Lord Chompy danced in his head.

And Lady J in her ‘kerchief, and Judge his cap,

Had just settled their Marshals for a long dusty nap.

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When out on the lawn there rose such a clatter,

Dreamer woke from his bed to see what was the matter.

Away through the forest Seamus flew like a flash,

With a crew full of Belles and a three soul stone cache.

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The moon on the breast of a new-fallen ho

Gave the lustre of mid-day to minions below.

When, what to Coppelious’ wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature Krampus, who struck us with fear.

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With a whip crack and chain so lively and quick,

They all knew in a moment it must not be St. Nick.

More rapid than vultures his curses they came,

And he farted, and snorted, and called us all names.

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“Now Justice! now, Dreamer! now, Seamus and Vixens!

On, Stitches! On, Marshals! on, Sybelle!- keep your tits in!

To the top of the trees! To the top of the wall!

I’ll smash away! Smash away! Smash away all!

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As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.

So off to a mask-flip the Krampus he flew,

With a sack full of children to lick and to chew.

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And then, in a twinkling, they heard a crack and a poof

The prancing and pawing of claws and of hoof.

As he drew back his chains and whipped us around,

All up in our junk Krampus came with a bound.

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He was matted with fur, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with blood, ashes, and soot.

A bundle of poo he had flung on his back,

And he looked like a werewolf with a gross smelly sac.

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His eyes-how bloodshot! his butt crust not merry!

His nipples like roses, his balls like a cherry!

His fat ugly mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the hair of his arm pits was as white as the snow.

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The stump of a whip he held to his teeth,

And his Gene Simmons tongue encircled his head like a wreath.

He had a broad face and a little round belly,

That shook when he farted, like a bowlful of jelly!

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He was chubby and plump, snacked on an old elf,

And Justice shit when she saw him, in spite of herself!

A wink of his eye and and a twist of his head,

Soon gave the Dreamer his first notion of dread.

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He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

Smacking Seamus’ bitches, then Coppelious that jerk.

And sticking his finger upside his nose,

And flipping a card toward Justice he rose!

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He sprang with more fight as his whip gave a whistle,

But the Dreamer changed form, Chompy hit like a missile.

But they heard him exclaim, ‘ere he leapt out of sight,

“Merry Krampus to all, and to all a good-night!”

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So in December 5th (krampus Day fashion!) The lads and I sat down for a seasonal match!  The Krampus and his legacy is epic to say the least.  Thundernuts’ sculpt was rocking and the scenario by wyrd was a tremendous amount of fun.  Truly a great time was had.  I have in the works the official battle report and write up but figured I would start it with this poem I found in an old dusty book.  Enjoy this tasty holiday treat while I put the finishing touches on the report.  And do your self a favor and bring the Krampus to your gaming Holidays!

~ by cloudfang on Thursday, 8 December 2011.